A lone voice crying from the Sonoran desert.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I know that since the dawn of time and some people believe we were all just monkeys swinging through the trees, eating leaves and bananas and grinding out crazy monkey sex, people have asked "WHAT IS LOVE?!"

When I was a kid I thought I knew what love was. I knew my parents loved me. I was pretty sure god loved me. I thought if I was lucky some cousins and aunts and uncles and stuff might love me. Love was peachy. Love was a pile of cool crap on the floor under the big shiny tree Christmas morning and then having your parents tell you, "wait there's more!" and then getting to call family across the country and tell them you "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

I didn't really understand much of love.

As I got older I knew love was that flitter flutter all over when you held a girls hand and she squeezed it back! :) And that flitter flutter was almost painful the first time you kissed said lass, I thought my neck would melt!

I didn't understand love at all!

When my dad died I thought I knew what love was, and I knew what it was like to lose it. I hurt because I knew he loved me and I loved him and now he was gone. Like hurt enough you'd put a .45 bullet into your brainpan to stop the hurt and smile while you did it because the bullet felt better by comparison because everything was over.

I hated love and didn't understand it at all.

When I got married I thought I knew what love was. I was learning.

When my first daughter was born I thought I knew what love was, I was getting there. The feelings that made me feel light headed holding her for the first time, but also slightly froggy in the throat. Warm all over. I was close.

With our second daughter it was just my wife, myself, her doctor and one nurse. In the moments between contractions my wife had never been more beautiful. And when she looked at me I got all weak kneed again.

But with the birth of our son I think I'm finally starting to get it! I think I'm almost there. Being able to hold my wife in a setting very similar to our daughters birth, quiet and calm. My mom and brother were there not even half an hour before but thought they had time to run an errand. Boy were they mad when I txt'd them a half hour later and told my mom we had a new baby boy. Sorry mom but I was so glad it was just the two of us with the professionals. The feeling was so beautiful. And when I handed my wife her healthy baby boy, cherubic cheeks glowing my wife just held our Liam and smiled.

Later that night we were able to bring our daughters in and they got to meet their brother. Watching my 5 year old Wynter hold her little brother and positively glow! That is love. The kind that gets caught at the back of your throat. That makes you feel a little woozy. I saw my daughters love for her brother and I know now I'm part of something special, and I love it, and I know it!

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